4 AM Sigh...

[ford4x4fun]

It is 4 AM I have been home for about 3 weeks now you think I would be able to sleep. I don't know what is up with me this time. I work hard all day long, and than worry all night about the other half of my team that I had to leave in country. Even though I didn't have a choice on coming home, I have never been the first to leave on guys that worked under me. Sure wish I could shut my brain off sometimes.

[Ranchero50]

It's called survivors guilt. Coupled with working nights (days on the other side of the world) and your body is still all screwed up.

I've been working 12hr nights for three months so far and I'm still disfunctional on my days off. I find that if I sleep when I'm tired I do better. if it means some midnight tinkering, so be it. If it means a nap from 3-5pm, so be it.

Jamie

[a-fordable]

It is not easy to do* You built close ties to a team -one day at a time- you release them to the reality that they are able to survive-one day at a time- SO- take one night at a time. ---------a-fordable------USMC-FORCE RECON--VIET NAM--two tours-68-70

[MrMajestyk]

Thank You for YOUR Service

I hope you get back in the swing of things soon, the only thing I'd suggest
would be a short road trip

[woods]

Yeah, I have not slept over 5 hours in close to 30 years. Some guys adjust just fine, other don't. I never did, but somehow it just seems normal to me.

[rjewkes]

It is 4 AM I have been home for about 3 weeks now you think I would be able to sleep. I don't know what is up with me this time. I work hard all day long, and than worry all night about the other half of my team that I had to leave in country. Even though I didn't have a choice on coming home, I have never been the first to leave on guys that worked under me. Sure wish I could shut my brain off sometimes.

i suffer from this too, the worst is it is almopst impossable to shut off the worry. My worry however is about work, and finances. and family. i suppose the worry about family is the closest to your worry about the team mates left in country.

currently i worry about getting a job fasdt enough to keep everything i own. and finding a place close enough to work that if i have to i can drive the truck.

[Mancar1]

It is normal to have those feelings. I have had them and still do at times. It can be hard leaving a duty station and leaving those that you have led and have a tight bond with. Someone else steps in and fills the void we leave. It has been 15 years since I retired out and I still get up around 0400 - 0500. I had to start turning in earlier to get a good sleep. (when I can sleep.)

[ezernut9mm]

i wish i could say i understand, but i have not served and so do not, but i have seen friends go through this. all i can say is that you are home with your family now and there are resources out there for you. i got a c-note that says the war will go on without you just fine. if there is such a thing as "just fine" in war. the structure is set up so that your replacement "should" be as good as you were, but you know that already.
i probably shouldn't even be replying, but i am anyways because it's good to have you back and i'll be there are more important people than me that think the same thing.

[two-bit]

You care, you remember. Nothing wrong with that. Its the learning to let go a little thats hard.
My dad spent 30 years learning to "let go a little". Finally got him to unload that .45 under his pillow and put it in the night stand drawer.
Living through the Tet offensive did some seriously bad things to him.
Time...it took time for him, as i suspect it will for you.
He ran on 4-5 hrs of sleep for years, it never seemed to affect him to much, i think he got used to it.
If you feel physically ok with your sleep hours, don't sweat it. One less thing to stress about is always good.

Two-bit

[ford4x4fun]

Thanks all for the encouraging comments. This one has been a rough one for sure, I have had rough deployments and bounced back fine. I think the problem with this is that no one replaced me. I had to leave my guys, in a place that is worse than Iraq or Afghanistan. It just eats at me, and if something happens I don't know how I would take that. I didn't have the choice in coming home but it is still eating at me. Hopefully they are home soon and I think I will be OK. On a brighter note though I fly to KY to pick up my truck. I am excited about that and getting it here so I can do the rest of the work on it. Now on those nights I can't sleep I will just sand a fender or something!