I know this is kinda a heavy topic for this site, but here goes.
I know I appear to be doing ok, but at times I am not. I still am trying to figure out why Vicki Passed. I know why, and what caused her passing. I just don't understand it. What woke me up to the fact that I am not dealing with her passing as well as I appear to be doing is what happened the other day. I gave a couple things away that I use in my shop, and some of Vicki's stuff that I still had. I guess I am not thinking as straight as I thought. Almost parted with the 68. Not ready to do that.
I feel a lot of guilt whenever I am having a good time.
Thanks for reading this. I am not looking for answers, just dumping some thoughts from the old brain. Just missing my Sweety. That is normal.
Keep on Bumping. (Now that sounds weird.)
John
May your sails stay full, and your knots not slip. Unless a slip knot.
Once I thought I was wrong, but I was wrong.
Life is a banquet, and every days a feast.
68 F-250 CS 390 C-6 P/S A/C front disc. 2nd owner.
2016 GMC Terrain Denali 301 HP V-6 AWD.
2009 Silverado Crew Cab, V-8, 4X4.
DD-727
DD-806
AE-35
LSD-39
AS-41
AR-8
Mancar1,
You appear to have been a sailor at one time, so I will try and put it like this. I suggest going to General Quarters for awhile and set material condition Zebra throughout the ship. You can not suffer a loss like that and not dwell on it from time to time, or even avoid the raging battle you may feel inside asking the questions "Why?". Don't be afraid to seek some professional help either. I Hope that you weather the battle safely, and emerge in time, with good memories, and have "Fair winds and Following seas."
KP
""Never shoot a large caliber man with a small caliber bullet."
2017 Ford Raptor
1970 F250 4x4
1948 Willys CJ2A w/ Ford Flathead V-8
1975 Ford Bronco
This time of year is always hard for those who have suffered such a tremendous loss. While I do not know you I will pray for you and know that Vicki is in a better place. Your love for each other sounds like it was magical, try to recall the good times and thank the good lord for them.
Merry Christmas from central Texas--rv
Last edited by randyvines on Mon Dec 19, 2011 7:24 pm, edited 1 time in total.
I understand somewhat you're going through Mancar, and you have my deepest sympathy and empathy. I lost my mother on Mother's day year before last. After my 2nd divorce we moved in together. She was living in a subsidized apt in La., I was living in a dump of a trailer in Ga, both us alone and lonely. So I invited her to live with me and she joined me. For 7 years we were both happier than pigs in slop. Then I met someone and got married. They got along famously, no problems at all. I built a house and we all lived together happily. About a year or so later, her sister's husband developed Alzheimer's and she moved in with her to help take care of him. He passed away and she stayed there to keep her sister company. I tried year after year to get her to come home to Ga but she kept putting it off saying her sister still needed her. We saw her about every other year or so. Then finally, about 7 years later, she called me and asked if the invitation was still open and of course I said Heck Yeah, Mama, come on home. She said she wasn't feeling well and should probably see a Dr. My wife and I left on a Friday evening, spent the night in Mississippi and drove the rest of the way in Saturday. When I saw her, I was heartbroken. She was using a cane and couldn't walk 6 steps without stopping for breath. We got her in the car and headed for Ga but had to stop about halfway because she couldn't travel any further. We spent the night in a motel and got home Sunday afternoon. My wife's family came over, we ordered in pizza and had a wonderful time that night. I took off a couple of days to settle her in. Monday morning I got up about 7am and she was out on the front porch, throwing up over the handrail. We took her to the ER and they said she had had a mild heart attack and had congestive heart failure. They wanted her to go to Atlanta and have a heart catheter run to see the extent of the damage. She took an ambulance and we followed. They admitted her and was to run the test Tuesday afternoon. We left about 10pm and drove up, got up and went back about 9am. We wanted to spend the day with her before she took the test. When we walked up, they were loading her on the gurney to go to the cardiac unit for the cath. We gave her a kiss and she said she'd see us soon. That was the last time I saw my mama alive. Her heart stopping during the test and they couldn't revive her. I've beat myself up for two years now. I shouldn't have let her go. I should have went and got her sooner. I should have spent the night in the hospital room. I shouldn't have let her have the heart catheter. Maybe I'd have had another month or a year or two with her. We'll never know. We picked her up Saturday and by Tuesday she was gone. When she first out of the ER to recovery on Monday morning, after they told me about the congestive heart failure, I went to her bed and tried to be cool but I broke down. She told me...Sunshine, don't be sad, don't cry. I've had a GOOD life, a great run. I have no regrets and I know where I'm going. I'll see you again some day so don't be sad, my troubles will be over soon and I'll be in a better place. That's what I think of when I think of Mama now and start to feel sad and have regrets. I got to have a couple of days with her and we got to tell each other I love you before she left. That's all anyone can hope for. Hope I didn't make you feel worse but just writing this down makes me feel better and maybe you can find a little comfort in knowing you got to tell Vicki you loved her and were with her when she left. God bless you and may the Holy Comforter be with you.
Randy
1970 F100 Sport Custom Limited LWB, 302cid, 3 on the tree. NO A/C, NO P/S, NO P/B. Currently in 1000 pcs while rebuilding. Project thread: http://www.fordification.com/forum/view ... 22&t=59995 Plan: 351w, C4, LSD, pwr front disc, p/s, a/c, bucket seats, new interior and paint.
1987 F-150 XLT Lariat, 5.0/C6 auto.
Thanks. I am doing good now. Just had a rough spot. My heart goes out to those of you that have lost a loved one....John
May your sails stay full, and your knots not slip. Unless a slip knot.
Once I thought I was wrong, but I was wrong.
Life is a banquet, and every days a feast.
68 F-250 CS 390 C-6 P/S A/C front disc. 2nd owner.
2016 GMC Terrain Denali 301 HP V-6 AWD.
2009 Silverado Crew Cab, V-8, 4X4.
DD-727
DD-806
AE-35
LSD-39
AS-41
AR-8
May God Bless you John. I'd like to say I know how hard it is, but I don't.
The kids will remember the truck for many years to come, keep kicking it like I do mine when it gives me fits!
Jeff http://www.fordification.com/forum/view ... 22&t=46251
SOLD-71 F-350 dually flatbed, 302 / .030 over V-8 with a "baby"C-6, B & M truckshifter, Dana70/4.11 ratio, intermittent wipers, tilt steering, full LED lighting on the flat bed, and no stereo yet (this way I can hear the rattles to diagnose)! SOLD!
Many Ford bumps / one 76' EB / and several dents through the years.
A lot of "oddball" Ford parts collected from working on them for 34 years now!
2008 Ford Escape 4 x 4
I am sorry you are having such a rough time. Grieving a loved one is probably one of the hardest things. I was raised by my mom and Grandfather. When he died I had a real hard time with the guilt I had whenever I did find a little happiness. Eventually you begin to accept that you are able and deserve to enjoy life again, it just seems to take forever! I remember reading that your girls are coming for Christmas. Hang up some towels that don't have any grease stains on em, clean the place up a bit and have the best time possible. You all could probably use it!
Merry Christmas.
1970 ranger 4x4
1965 mustang needs resto
flh shovelhead
rigid evo
It's sounds like you and Miss Vicki did a lot of fun things together, i understand the guilt from your brain and heart saying where's Vicki while having fun, Don't let this stop the fun. Cherish your good memmories. And know there is Brotherly Love here for you.
God Bless and stay Safe.
And ":Anchors aweigh my boys anchors aweigh....."
"It is better to keep your mouth shut and appear stupid than to open it and remove all doubt." - Mark Twain
'70 f250 4x4 Crew cab 460/C6 '72 F100 390/C6 9.8 MPG AVG. '89 Mercury Cougar LS Dual Exh. V6 . 18.9 MPG AVG. In Town.
I don't want to give em a heart-attack. That is what would happen if I answered the door in the buff. Heck it almost scares me to death when I step out of the shower and look in the mirror.~Mancar1~
fuelly.com
if you need it.