OT - TV Dinners

[DuckRyder]

Did the guy who wrote: "Carefully remove brownie with fork, set aside" ever actually try to do that?

[Bummer72]

OR......

Some examples of why the human race has probably evolved as far as possible. These are actual instruction labels on consumer goods...

On Sears hairdryer:
Do not use while sleeping.
(Gee, that's the only time I have to work on my hair!)

On a bag of Fritos:
You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.
(The shoplifter special!)

On a bar of Dial soap:
Directions: Use like regular soap.
(and that would be how?)

On some Swann frozen dinners:
Serving suggestion: Defrost.
(But it's 'just' a suggestion!)

On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert: (printed on bottom of the box)
Do not turn upside down.
(Too late! you lose!)

On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding:
Product will be hot after heating.
(Are you sure? Let's experiment.)

On packaging for a Rowenta iron:
Do not iron clothes on body.
(But wouldn't that save more time?)(Whose body?)

On Boot's Children's cough medicine:
Do not drive car or operate machinery.
(We could do a lot to reduce the construction accidents if we just kept those 5 year olds off those fork lifts.)

On Nytol sleep aid:
Warning: may cause drowsiness.
(One would hope!)

On a Korean [censored] knife:
Warning: keep out of children.
(hmm...something must have gotten lost in the translation...)

On a string of Christmas lights:
For indoor or outdoor use only.
(As opposed to use in outer space.)

On a food processor:
Not to be used for the other use.
(Now I'm curious.)

On Sainsbury's peanuts:
Warning: contains nuts.
(but no peas?)

On an American Airlines packet of nuts:
Instructions: open packet, eat nuts.
(somebody got paid big bucks to write this one...)

On a Swedish chainsaw:
Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands.
(Raise your hand if you've tried this...)

On a child's Superman costume:
Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly.
(Oh go ahead! That's right, destroy a universal childhood belief.)

[PhantomoftheBumpside]

Did the guy who wrote: "Carefully remove brownie with fork, set aside" ever actually try to do that?

Heh... I had one of those "One Pound" fiascoes today. It was the fried chicken variety. I learned to use a spoon for the brownie... of course I haven't learned how to tolerate 'fried' chicken that is still raw at the bone after cooking, freezing and reheating in a microwave for 1.5 minutes longer than the recommended time.

[DuckRyder]

Yeah, the fried chicken never works, does not matter how you cook it, go with the "Pub Favorites" Beer battered chicken - the big advantage to this is that you can eat them every meal and it is so non-descript that as long as you stay with white meat it taste like whatever you tell yourself it is ahead of time.

Also wouldn't it be easier to just say "remove the plastic from everything except the veggies..."

I routinely add 1 minute per "stage" to the cook time...

[jimmy828]

nuked a burrito the other day and when i took a bite on it, i burnt my lip and broke a tooth at the same time(hot on outside, still frozen on inside)

[PhantomoftheBumpside]

Heh.. now that brings up an interesting memory...

A long time ago, I used to work for a certain famous home delivery company (that also makes most of the frozen pizza brands at the store) and my route ran western KY and TN.. one of the regulars on the route was this guy named Hank... Hank, Jr. We'd swing by his office and sell to all the staff and his manager, and if he had an order we'd swing it by his house and drop it off to his freezer at his house.

Hank Jr. is VERY big. The first time I was in there, he showed up and said he'd like "Gimme some o them brownie ice cream sammiches, fer right now, I'm wantin' one bad."

So I bring in a box on top of the stack for the rest of his office's various orders and he grabs the box immediately and heads off to the back before I have a chance to mention that the truck keeps everything at about -10º... about 10 seconds after he goes through the door we hear a loud expletive...

He comes back out to the main area with a ice cream sandwich in one hand and the open box in the other looking a bit pissed...

I'm like "I wish I got a chance to tell you to nuke that a little first..." He's like, "You're lucky I didn't break a tooth, but it's all good."

[PhantomoftheBumpside]

Yeah, the Beer Battered chicken works... I didn't get to make a selection though...

[basketcase0302]

jimmy828 on Sun Feb 12, 2012 7:01 pm
nuked a burrito the other day and when i took a bite on it, i burnt my lip and broke a tooth at the same time(hot on outside, still frozen on inside)

Rolling out of the chair this morning! And here I thought I was the only one who'd ever done that!
I usually wind up eating the stupid brownie, (once I've "cleaned" the brownie residue from the spoon) it's too late having tasted the thing. And yeah I too love the new "beer battered chicken" one.
Shouldn't this thread be under the sub-category of "Bachelor's 101".

[cowbay]

That reminds of years ago one of my friends who does corporate litigation work after they lost a case and where Toro mowers had to write in their instruction booklets to prevent a case like that from happening again "Do not use to trim hedges"/ I will let you all figure out what happened there

[cdeal28078]

What is so sad is that a lot of people these days need this stupid directions and warnings to keep from killing themselves or someone else. I swear America is getting dumber by the day. Especially in the normal around the house kind of stuff.
When I was a kid I would bet 80% of the men in my local area could change their own tire or oil. Driving around the house the other day there was a tow truck driver from AAA changing the front tire for a guy in about his 30's. I would have been embarrassed to let anybody see me standing there letting another man change my tires.
clint

[NM5K]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i0K6Jy7zIC8

[Swegner99]

I think the warning labels are more to protect the company from getting sued then they are for actual stupidity. Seems like most of the public these days is so quick to sue someone cause its easier then actually working. (Woods knows all about this first hand )

[marxtoys]

Did the guy who wrote: "Carefully remove brownie with fork, set aside" ever actually try to do that?

After a few tries I came to the conclusion that the brownie wasn't really harmed by a couple more minutes in the nuke.

What is so sad is that a lot of people these days need this stupid directions and warnings to keep from killing themselves or someone else. I swear America is getting dumber by the day...

There was a big fast jet-ski type thing in the shop a while back. Most of one side was covered by a sticker describing the ways the thing could kill you. It told riders to wear protective pants and to keep body orifices away from the jet discharge.

..... almost tempted to check the Darwin Award site to see if anyone was nominated for death by "jet ski enema".

[basketcase0302]

..... almost tempted to check the Darwin Award site to see if anyone was nominated for death by "jet ski enema".

You would be surprised at the things folks will do! For my certified pool license we were told the true story about the guy that stuck his "you know what" into the suction, (vacuum hose) port in a pool!

[Mancar1]

Damn I'm so confused