i dont know what to do

[69rangerf100]

ok so my wife has been unemployed since feb. she told me that she is unhappy and everything that i do never seems to make anything better. we got into an arguement in front of the kids which i feel bad about and since i had to work this afternoon i went into the office to cool down to try and let this pass. but when i was leaving she said that she wants a divorce and that i am a horrible dad that i never take care of the kids. i feel like that is a low blow. i love my kids so much and 1 of them is my stepdaughter and i love her just like i love my 2 that are mine with my wife. over the last 8 months i have not only provided a house and food for all of them i have also been taking care of my wife since she has been suffering from mainly migraines and other health issues. i dont know what to do and she also kicked me out of the house so i am gonna have to sleep at the office tonight and dont know what i am gonna do tomorrow night. im at a lose

[DuckRyder]

Well, I'm certainly no expert, but my first advice would be to let things cool off before doing anything too rash. While I certainly believe that asking for a divorce and saying you are a bad father is something that is very hurtful and hard to take back, theres also a good chance that her migraines and "other health issues" might cause her to say things she really doesn't mean.

Also, remember, you have no control over someone else, only control over how you react.

[390Nut]

Going through more or less the same thing, except I was the one unemployed (and spending my savings and my cashed-out 401K to provide the essentials) and we're not married.

All I can say is to keep it away from the kids as best you can. I can't undo my mistakes, but maybe you can prevent them yourself.

It's not going to be easy, no matter how you look at it, but keep your chin up and do what YOU can for the kids sake.

They are the true victims in these kinds of situations, and people tend to forget that fact.

[jp2005]

If you lived closer, I have a spare master bedroom. Sorry to hear the news man.

[69rangerf100]

It's not going to be easy, no matter how you look at it, but keep your chin up and do what YOU can for the kids sake.

They are the true victims in these kinds of situations, and people tend to forget that fact.

Paul i know what you mean that the kids are the true victims. i see this with the way my step daughter's dad treats her and the effect it has on her. i truely dont want my kids to have to go through what there older sister is going through.

If you lived closer, I have a spare master bedroom. Sorry to hear the news man.

JP i appreciate the offer.

since i dont have alot of extra time to get out and do thing i consider every one on here my friends and i appreciate ya'll listening to me.

thanks

David

[OldRedFord]

The few times we have talked on yahoo you work pretty dang hard. So you seem to be supporting your family. Im hoping she is just having a bad moment there.

My initial reaction to your OP was..."she doesnt see what all you do?"

[jbohall001]

Perhaps she is just having an bad day. Women do that, really. Ive recently learned that when they arent feeling well, there is absolutely no filter between the brain and the mouth. My advice is let things cool down, and maybe try to talk to her calmy, AWAY from the kids, and truely try to understand each others concerns and point of view. Remember, comunication is the best medicine, and without it, how are you suppossed to know how to keep each other happy? Key words, calm, cool, and collected. Try your best not to have an authorative tone of voice, and listen to what she has to say. Its going to get harder before it gets easier my friend. But dont give in to the negativity!

[390Nut]

Perhaps she is just having an bad day. Women do that, really. Ive recently learned that when they arent feeling well, there is absolutely no filter between the brain and the mouth.

100% times 100 correct. Also, if a womans hormones get out of whack, it's much more troublesome for them than it is for men.

The few times we have talked on yahoo you work pretty dang hard. So you seem to be supporting your family. Im hoping she is just having a bad moment there.

My initial reaction to your OP was..."she doesnt see what all you do?"

They frequently don't.


But I digress, and am a bit biased at the moment.

[69rangerf100]

Perhaps she is just having an bad day. Women do that, really. Ive recently learned that when they arent feeling well, there is absolutely no filter between the brain and the mouth.

100% times 100 correct. Also, if a womans hormones get out of whack, it's much more troublesome for them than it is for men.

the bad thing is her hormones are out of whack which has been the trigger for her migraines. so even with walking on egg shells around her i never know what sh is gonna say to me. everyday this past week i have either gotten a call with her yelling at me or have gotten the full brunt of it when i got home from the office.

[jbohall001]

Maybe you should try to set up a simple date with her. I know it sounds silly and all, but women love attention. So maybe if you can have a friend watch the kids and take her out. Let her know that you have a genuine interest in making the relationship work, and are willing to make time for the two of you, not only for yourself and her but for the kids as well.

[390Nut]

If her hormones are out of whack, all the positive attention in the world will not work. A hormonal imbalance makes it VERY difficult for anyone (man or woman) to function properly. Women are more highly susceptable to the affects, because of the way estrogen works, but the princiapl is the same either way.

Perhaps she is just having an bad day. Women do that, really. Ive recently learned that when they arent feeling well, there is absolutely no filter between the brain and the mouth.

100% times 100 correct. Also, if a womans hormones get out of whack, it's much more troublesome for them than it is for men.

the bad thing is her hormones are out of whack which has been the trigger for her migraines. so even with walking on egg shells around her i never know what sh is gonna say to me. everyday this past week i have either gotten a call with her yelling at me or have gotten the full brunt of it when i got home from the office.

You need to get your family doctor involved, if you have one. Tell him your concerns (politely, and SPECIFICALLY mention what it is doing to the children!! <-- very important!! ) and get him involved. Tell him EVERYTHING that is or has been happening recently, and what it is doing to your family. Stress how important it is that you want to keep your family intact, and that you are trying to do this to HELP her and the children, and NOT yourself.

Being married you should have that ability (legally) which is something I wasn't able to do. We never married.

Above all else. Stay focused. Write stuff down if you need to. Document everything if you can.

[sargentrs]

I feel your pain man. My wife had her ovaries removed and started menopause about 2 years after we married. We were both in our 40's. She and her doctor had a lot of difficulty getting her meds straight and I went through living hell with her. I know there's a mix of estrogen and testosterone that makes for a healthy balance with women but it's different with each patient. Anyway, they had the testosterone dosage too high and after about a year she was 7 times over the testosterone limit! Talk about MEAN! She even started growing hair where she shouldn't be. Anyway, we almost divorced several times during this but I stuck with her and they finally got everything straightened out. She's totally off hormone therapy now but it was rough for a while and I slept with one eye open. We still fight sometimes but now it's over real stuff and not just raging hormones. If you truly want to save the marriage then stick with it. Marriage is about compromises and sacrifices. But it's gotta work both ways. I know it's kinda corny but I recommend reading Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus. It really is a good book and sheds a lot of light on why women, and men, behave and think the way they do. My wife and I also took the Love Dare challenge from the Fireproof movie and it helped us work out some issues we had. Finally, if the marriage is not working, it needs to be ended FOR the kids. I stayed with my 1st wife far too long "for the kids" and it was actually worse for them than it should have been. Keep us posted and we're all here for you!

[69rangerf100]

i have been allowed back in the bed room. hoping for a good night sleep tonight since i wont be on a couch. i have set up a date night for us hopefully this will help out some since we havent had on in a long time.

[jbohall001]

Good!!! I really think a date night will help. Be sincere about everything too! In other words, even if you arent, TRY your best to act like your enjoying yourself. If you wanna eat on place and she wants another, go to her place

[69rangerf100]

well the goo thing is our food taste are very much the same so we are going to a sushi bar in Kennesaw, GA and after that i have planned for us to go to a miniture golf course and maybe even race the go carts that are also there